To Say or Not to Say - That seems to be the question.....

Well, I havent written in a long while, but it seems as though I've had nothing positive to say, so I've stayed away from writing anything and bringing anyone down. However, today has just been one of those days that I just had to let it out.

We can start this wonderful year off by telling everyone, I lost one of my oldest and dearest friends on January 31, 2009. He was like the brother I never had, and those of you that know me, know that I have a brother who was never like a brother anyway. Rodney passed away right in front of his kids just two days after being release from the hospital. They say that he threw a blood clot from his leg to his heart. The only good thing I can see out of the whole thing is that he died instantly. My heart aches from missing him, and it aches for his kids that watched the whole thing take place. I hope they are able to move forward from this. I still miss him every day. He's been in my life for almost 20 years and was one of the few people that I knew I could truly count on. Sure, we had our differences from time to time, but we both knew we were always there for each other. We knew too much about each other so we had to keep the other close! LOL

Then dealing with all this renovation from Ike. Never, I repeat, NEVER mix business with friendship. No matter how many times I tell myself or others this, I always end up doing it. I try and help friends out where I can and it ALWAYS seems to come back and bite me in the butt. Why is it that people are allowed to tell you what is on their minds, or treat you like crap for whatever reason and you are never allowed to speak your mind or stand up for yourself without making them mad and you looking like the bad person? I just dont get it. I have always kept my mouth shut on what I was thinking or feeling with everyone becuase I dont like to upset anyone. But I sure dont get the same respect. The first time I try and say something, everything gets turned around and I'm the bad guy. So, am I supposed to sit by idly and get walked on time and time again just so as to not hurt someone else's feelings?? How many times am I supposed to stick my hand out to help someone only to get screwed in the process? Where are these same people that I have helped when I need someone? Am I not supposed to get upset when I get disrepected or my home that I work dam hard for to have, is disrepected? As many times as I have opened my home to people in need, this is how I get paid back? Not that I am keeping score, but dam, enough is enough. But again, I'm not supposed to get upset. I'm not supposed to say anything cause that may very well upset someone else. I care about other people's feelings, but why dont they care about mine? Why dont they care about what they have done to my house or to me for that matter? Or the money that I have forked out to help people out? Seriously, I'm not made of money. I work very hard for my money to have what I have and I have always helped when people needed it.

I am just so dam frustrated and I have no clue as to which way to turn. Twice now I have said things and twice now I've pissed people off. Guess I'm just supposed to sit back and pretend that everything is just sunshine and light and that I like being screwed at every turn. dont worry, I have all the money in the world to fix everything.