I feel a song coming on........

But I will get to that in a bit! lol It really has been a busy year it seems. Hard to believe its already the end of July! So much has changed!

I have to say, I've really been enjoying Facebook. I've caught up with sooo many people that I have lost touch with through the years. Its been a blast learning what they have been up in the 20 plus years since High School and some even since Jr. High! We even have a little get together with a few of the girls for next thursday! I cant wait! So exciting. And one day, I'm gonna have to take a trip to Missouri to see Julie. I've really enjoyed catching up with her! I've actually missed her through the years. Such a great way to be able to catch up.

Life has actually been going pretty good as of late. I've had to make some very tough decisions, but, I think in the end, it was the right decision to make. I've had to let go of a very long friendship. Or, at least I thought it was a friendship. But friendship should never have to be that hard. It seemed like I was constantly having to defend myself for things that either she perceived I did, or things maybe I had done, but more things perceived. She was the first to believe the worst in me and the first to make snide remarks about me. No matter what I did or said, it was never good enough. I was the only one that stood behind her 100% and never questioned or judged her. So why is it that she was always the first to condem me? And allow her other friends to say bad things about me without even truly knowing me? I would never let me friends speak ill of her. And she always knew how to cut me the deepest and then fain ignornance by saying, what do you mean? that wasnt about you! Come on now. I've known you for long enough to know what you ment and who you ment it too. And yes, it hurts. It hurts alot. And I would never do that back to my friends. Thats not the way to treat friends. No, Im not perfect. Never claimed to be. But I have given 110% to a friendship that I thought was worth it, but never got that back in return. Im sure they feel justified for doing what they do and will never even open themselves up to see that they were indeed wrong as well and the things that were done to me, were not warranted. Again, all I have ever done is be there standing behind her 100% and I can honestly say, I was there for her when nobody else was. But that is never good enough. Hence the song that comes to mind. Some of the lyrics are just perfect. They are:

It's never enough to say I'm sorry
It's never enough to say I care
Trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I, I'm starting to see
Maybe we're not meant to be
It's never enough to say I love you
No, it's never enough to say I try
It's hard to believe that's there'sNo way out for you and me
And it seems to be, The story of our life
Nobody wins when everyone's losing

I am truly sorry it has turned out the way it has and if I could make it any different I would. but frankly, I'm tired of trying to defend myself for no reason. I had to put my cat to sleep last week, and instead of saying thank you for taking care of that or Im sorry you had to go through that, I got berated over something entirely different. But again, she will never see that she was wrong. I would never do the things to her that she has done to me. I will get passed this, but it will be hard. Unlike her who will just go forward thinking she is the victim and she was the one that wronged by such a terrible person, such as myself, and never give it a second though. Well, so beit. I'm learning the hard way who my true friends and who has been there for me all along without fail. I'd like to give credit to Andrea, Cretia, and Dena especially. I rarely see Andrea due to family obligations and basically life getting in the way, but I understand this and so does she, but she has always been there for me no matter what. You dont need to see your friends to know they are there. The true ones anyway. Yes I miss her terribly and would love to see her, but I for sure dont hold that against her.

Anyway..........Thanks for listening to me. I will hold my head up high knowing I did all I could do, it was just never good enough. I will enjoy the friendships I have and the new/old ones I'm rekindling. Thank God for Facebook! LOL