Life

One of my favorite quotes has to be:

"...life was like a box a chocolates, never know what you're gonna get."

Isn't that the truth? Do you ever look back at your life and think, dang, that's not what I thought it would be at all. This is definitely not where I thought I would be at this age. I think I must have missed something along the way. Maybe I zigged when I should have zagged. Not sure, but this is definitely not where or how I thought I would end up. Not that I had a great plan or anything. I just know that if I did have a plan back then, it wasn't this.

Yes, I'm having a pitty party, and yes, everyone is invited! You know what they say, misery loves company. :-)

I just hate when you look back at things and wonder, where did I go wrong? Why me? or Why not me? Somebody told me once, well, she never gave me a reason NOT to love her. Okay well, I never did either so why am I not loved anymore? What do all these women that are desired by so many and sought after by so many have that I dont have? Other than of course the obvious, the whole looks thing. Of course, looking at some of the people that I am refering to, its not like they are drop dead goregous either, so what gives? And of course, this was all after they made me believe that they missed me and that they really did still love me and that they felt like they made a mistake letting me go. Don't all women want to feel that way? Don't we all want to feel like there is that one someone out there that just feels like they can't live without you and they can't wait to be with you again and would move heaven and earth to be there? Of course, bottom line is, its all BS. They dont care. At least that is how its always worked out for me. I've made alot of mistakes in my life just wanting to be desired and loved. Guess some of us are just destined not to have that. It sucks grasping at straws that aren't really there but that are being dangled out there in front of you just for fun. Kinda messes with the whole self esteem thing. which of course, I never had much to start with.