A Brutal Dose of Harsh Reality

Have you ever had to watch someone or something you love more than anything else, pass away in front of your eyes? Well, that is how I spent last night.

My little girl. The one constant in my life. The one being in this world that loved me for who I was and never asked a thing of me. Never expected anything. Never judged me. Always forgave me if I made a mistake because she knew I wasn't perfect. Was always happy to see me and was always there when I needed her. To kiss my face, lick my hand, or just lay beside me when she knew I needed it. Even in death she was by my side. She never left me. Until now, when she left me for good and took a piece of my heart with her. She was the one and only one that never broke her word to me and stood by me no matter what. People will tell you that all day long, but most of the time, they really don't mean it. They cast you aside like you ment nothing and never look back.

And now she's gone. I watched her slowly take her last breath with my hand on her side. Watched the life drain from her eyes. In the blink of an eye, she was ripped from my grasp. She's in a better place now. She's happy and free and playing in greener pastures. And I know all of this but the selfish side of me wants her here. I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I wasn't ready to let her go. She took that piece of my heart that will forever be empty now. I miss her face. I miss her bark. It has truly ripped the heart right out of my chest. My house seems so empty now. She was my companion. My friend. My confidant. And the one person I thought I can lean on in these times, I can't now. And that breaks my heart.

I am sorry this is such a downer, but I'm bent and broken and I really am not sure when I will recover. Too many losses in my life. you can only take so much you know?

Weekend Parties

There is nothing like getting together with a group of friends to celebrate the day a new life was born into this world. The little ones grow up so fast and it so much fun to watch them. I just wish that I had half their energy! That old saying "Youth is wasted on the young," is so true. I would love to be able to run around and play all day and have someone to take care of my every want and need. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Today the dh and I went to the "Manson Boys" birthday party. The oldest is two and the youngest is one. And man are they full of some serious energy! Of course, I'm still giggling at Manson boys! Bad images of Charles Manson run threw my head! Thank God there was nothing like that going on out there in the Woodlands today! Just lots of presents, hot dogs, hamburgers, cake, ice cream and laughter. I've never had the opportunity to sit down and chat with Heath but I realized that he's actually a really nice guy. Little on the high maintenance side, but then hey, who isn't right?? He's funny and kept us all laughing. I think I spent most of the time talking to his mother. She's a very interesting lady. I also got all the good stories of "Little Heath" too so that is always fun for blackmail later! Heath and I are actually going through some very similar issues in life and its interesting to get a different perspective on things.

It was so relaxing and so enjoyable to just sit, watch the little ones play and laugh with some old friends and some new friends. We did however get sprinkled on a bit from time to time but that just cooled things off that much more. Their house is so peaceful. Until of course, the train came barralleing down the tracks that are about 30 feet from the back of their house. Nothing like the vibrating of the train to add a little entertainment.

We ended the day with a little shopping and now Im off to play my new Frogger game I got!

Friday Funny

WHEN GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............

1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.

2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLINGOUR BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCEMOVE AROUND.

3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASSAND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.

4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOKMORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WEREJUST FOUR HOURS AGO

5. WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WELOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.

6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME ANEW SONG PLAY'S BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTINGNEXT TO US.

8. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLYGOOD AT IT.

9. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVINGUS JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THEGIN.10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKETHE KITCHEN FLOOR (or the mop?)

11. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID IS DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.

12. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULTTHAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.


Okay, tell the truth.......how many of you saw yourself in these???? I know I did! and with some of you!!! But hey, it was fun wasn't it???

Have a GREAT Friday everyone!

Toby Keith Tuesday

The only thing good about a Tuesday could be Toby Keith! I actually had no intention of going to the rodeo this year to see any performer. Just not the same since it moved out of the Astrodome and into Reliant Stadium. However, the dh ended up surprising me with tickets to see my man last night. And not just any seats I will have you know, but four suite seats! That is definitely the way to go if at all possible. I wish I were rich enough to afford a suite at Reliant Stadium!

The night started off meeting up with Andie and her dh here at my office and we went to Houston's for dinner. Now I remember why I do not go there very often. So many rules and so uptight! We all definitely felt out of place. Kinda like we were invading a land of mercedes, lexus', and BMWs with our little ford or something. On the menu it actually says, "no cell phones in the dining room." They would not seat us until I finished my call with my dh. Of course we had to tell them there was only three of us that would be dining cause they wouldn't seat us until our party was complete and everyone that knows my dh knows he works on his own time and we weren't real sure when he would get there. We patiently sat there and stalled the waitress pretending like we were having trouble deciding what to have for dinner. Luckily, the dh was there pretty quickly and we ordered our meals. I actually had a very good salad. Way too much food for me to eat. I sure did my darnedest though. After all of our bellies were full, it was back to the office to drop off the dh's truck and all hoped in Andie's truck and it was off to the rodeo.

It was awesome to walk in the VIP entrance where there was no crowd and then walk up to the suite, still with no crowd. Of course, I actually helped a friend of ours get in cause he didn't have a ticket, so I showed the lady mine and then handed it to him, and then he handed it to her and off to the suite we went. Not sure how I actually got away with that, but hey, whatever works right?? Besides, Toby is worth breaking a few rules for. We got up to the suit, got drinks in hand and promptly sat down in anticpation of the big event. For my enjoyment, my dh even remembered to bring the binoculars! Talk about up close and personal! Yee Haw! Finally, at long last, the lights went down, and out came Toby! He put on a fantastic show. Sang so many good songs. And, seeing as how I had the binoculars, I even got to disspell a myth that someone told me awhile ago. They had said that the bigger the guy, the smaller his package and since Toby was so big, he probably had a small package. This has been a source of bother for me for quite some time now. I even looked as hard as I could for signs of something different when I watched his movie Broken Bridges. Well, let me tell you, the bulge has now officially been sighted. There is no more doubt in my mind. :-)

Finally it came to an end. We had to leave our suite and when we looked outside we saw that it was pouring down rain. So, we decide to go to the Chute Club since one of the guys that was with us was a gold badge dude. He snuck all of us and we hung out for awhile and waited for the rain and the traffic to die down. They finally kicked us out so they can close. Wow. I can honestly say it's been a long long time since I've closed a place down!! We are all herded outside into the rain and wouldn't you know it, the only place they would let us out was on the exact opposite side of the stadium from where we had parked! Oh well. As the boys stood around trying to find a way to get back to the vehicles without getting wet, Andie and I decide screw it, and off we trotted. What's a little rain anyway? Not like we'd melt right?? Lucikly, Mike had actually parked closer so soaking wet, we all made it to his truck and he gave us a ride back to Andie's truck. Which was actually a chore within itself considering they had everything blocked off! We got to take the scenic tour back.

Soaking wet from head to toe, we finally pour ourselves into Andies truck and head for home. I have not been this tired in a long time, but I can honestly say, it was well worth it. I loved every minute of it and had the greatest time. It was so nice just hanging with friends and watching the rodeo and the best part, watching TOBY!

I sure hope everyone had as good of a Toby Tuesday as I did!!

Ahhh......Weekends

I love these kinds of weekends. Makes you thankful for living in Texas. The weather was beautiful. Of course, it sure makes Mondays hard! The only thing that will make this week great is going to be Toby Keith Tuesday!! I was not planning on going to the rodeo this year, but the dh surprised me with getting four Suite tickets to see my man onTuesday! That is going to be AWESOME. Free food, drink, goody bags, you name it. I also love the fact that the time change has now happened and it will actually be light outside when I get home from work now, so maybe, just maybe I can start doing some walking or something outside again.

The weekend started off a little shaky though with Al, the hamster, making a run for freedom. I'm still at a loss as to how the little guy got out of his cage. Maybe I should rename him Houdini! He started by jumping six feet from the top of my entertainment system down to the floor. He was then quickly spotted by a cat. Thinking she finally had her chance to see him up close and personal, Stormy took off after him. Luckily all the commotion woke the dh and he went into see what the ruckus was all about and spotted Al scurrying across the floor with a black cat at his heels. Thankfully the dh scooped Al up and back into his cage safe and sound. Of course, this couldn't have happened at a decent hour of the day. This has to be 3:00 a.m.!! At least all is well now. Not that I think Al will be in a very big hurry to check out what its like outside his cage anymore.

Saturday is spent out and about with Michelle, the boys, and the dh. We were looking for property that we could buy to some day move to. We found the most wonderful place!! So many amenities, so much space, almost everything you could want. A little further out into the peaceful country. They are going to be building a 10 acre park that sounds absolutely wonderful. Several lakes that the dogs would just have a hayday in. And depending on which lot I wanted I could either be in Montgomery County or Grimes County. Just the thought of the lower taxes was enough to make me love it. Of course I would still love to be in the middle of the woods somewhere but you gotta do what you can do. One of these days.......

After hours of looking at land, we head back to the city. The boys (she has three boys in case anyone didn't know that) did really well. Of course they had rusty to entertain them, which worked out really well. Gave Michelle and I chance to go shopping for the youngest ones birthday party today (Sunday). Of course, several hours later, we head for the house to catch up with the boys. We opted to make spagetti for dinner. I actually got to teach Michelle a new recipe that I stole from Andie. Yes people, I actually cooked! I know some of you will be so proud. I really have been paying attention this whole time. I also got to introduce Michelle to what I like to call "Tina's Tea". She fell in love at first sip. Fresh key limes really do make a difference. After a long day in the car and an extremely full belly it was time to go home and get some rest for the party today.

Its hard to believe that my godson is now three. Seems like just yesterday I was watching him be born. Its amazing how time flies. We celebrated his birthday today even though it was a few days ago. Had a firetruck birthday cause that is what he wanted. We had balloons, cake, decorations, ice cream, you name it, he had it. And all those presents! I'm not sure he has been good enough for all those presents! Everything Cars though. He loves the Cars movie. He was one tired little boy. But it was really good to see alot of people I hadn't seen in a long while and catch up with them.

Wow. What a long tiring weekend, but it was wonderful. It was really kind of cool cause even though not all of my friends were there with me in person, they were there in some form or fashion. Those are the best weekends to have.

Life Really Sucks Sometimes.....

Today was the end of a very long, exhausting, emotional week. I have to say that I am sincerely thankful that it is friday. I can't remember the last time I was this physically or emotionally drained. So many things have been running through my mind and causing me to pause and reflect. I don't think I've had a full nights sleep one time this week.

For very personal reasons, I've been following this whole Bart Whitaker trial. It truly amazes me that a child could break bread with his family to celebrate his supposed graduation from college, knowing that he was going to have them all murdered later that very same evening. Not to mention that you are celebrating a graduation that you know will NEVER happen considering he had dropped out of college months earlier. Oh and lets not forget the $4,000 Rolex watch his mom and dad gave him for graduation. How devasting that is for Kent (Bart's father). Knowing that your son despised you that much that he thought of no way out other than eliminating you, your wife, and other son. Then, to prepare yourself to lose your last remaining family member to the death penalty. Especially since Kent is whole heartedly against the death penalty. How horrible it must be to sit in court day after day and listen to all of the testimony and hear all these awhful things your kid, the child you loved more than you thought possible, the one you raised the best you could, only to hear these awhful feelings he had about you and the rest of his family. My heart truly aches for Kent. He's lost his entire family basically all in one fail swoop.

I'm not sure if you remember or not, but I have blogged before about a very good friend of mine that is like my second mom. We used to work together and she is a beautiful human being, inside and out. She was the one that was diagnosed with bladder cancer and given three months to live. She had a rough time through chemo and lost all her hair, but she beat it. For the last two years all her tests have come back clean. Well, I got an email from her today that just ripped my heart right out of my chest. The cancer is back. It has now gone into her lungs, spine and femar bone. Stage 4. In her lung, there is an area about pea sized and some other spots. She starts chemo again on Tuesday. Please please please keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers. I have never heard her this defeated. I truly ache for her.

All of this really does make your problems seem small you know? Kinda makes you feel thankful for your troubles. It also makes you realize how short life really is. Before you know it, the time has flown by. Makes you stop and think about things that you've done, things that have happened, things you wish you could change, but can't, regrets you have, time you've wasted, friends you've neglected or let slip away...... Gives you a whole new perspective on things. I hate the things I can not change but have to accept that I have no control of them and leave them in God's hands as he knows what is best for me. Its very fatiguing to hang on to pain and hurt and guilt. A friend told me today "if you look through the clouds that you're experiencing right now, you should be able to see some sunshine. I'm sure there's some there, and you can focus on that and relish it, and the bad stuff will fade into the background." And you know, she's right. If all you focus on are the clouds, you wont ever see the sunshine. And maybe this is God's way of tying up loose ends and forcing you to move on to the next chapter to come. I never want to look back on things and think "if only" or I wish I had of spent more time with someone now that its too late. You never know when it's going to be too late. People are taken out of our lives so very quickly.

I just want everyone to know now, that I am sorry if I ever hurt any of you and for all of the things I have done, said or thought. I love each and every one of you and you all mean the world to me. You know what they say, "To Err is human; to forgive is Divine." I don't want that time to come and look back and say, now its too late.

Please keep the Whitaker family and the Tomaski family in your thoughts and prayers. They are going to need it. There's a long road in front of them.

Friends......

LOVE starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR. DON'T cry over anyone who won't cry over you. Good FRIENDS are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget. You can only go as far as you push. ACTIONS speak louder than words. The HARDEST thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else. DON'T let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff. LIFE'S SHORT. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it. A BEST FRIEND is like a four leaf clover, HARD TO FIND and LUCKY TO HAVE. Some people make the world SPECIAL just by being in it. BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us. When it HURTS to look back, and you're SCARED to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there. TRUE FRIENDSHIP "NEVER" ENDS. Friends are FOREVER. Good friends are like STARS You don't always see them, but you know they are ALWAYS THERE. DON'T frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile. What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry? Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them. Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end. Most people walk in and out of your life, but only FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart. And those that truly love you, love you for who you are, despite your faults and forgive you no matter what because they love you.

Beautiful Weekends

This weekend has turned out to bve one of the most beautiful weekends in a long time. The weather was almost perfect. Its great to have your windows open and get all the fresh air circulating through the house.

I started off this beautiful weekend by having dinner Friday night with a friend of mine that I've been neglecting for way too long. Not intentionally mind you, just seems to work out that way. So we decided enough of that and hooked up for dinner. We then took her son, my godson, to the dollar store. What a great place for kids! Andrew had a blast! And for $6 he got what he thought were six of the coolest toys ever! Of course he'll probably play with them all of a few minutes and move on the next thing, but at that time he thought it was the greatest night ever.

Then Saturday. I was off to Conroe to spend some much needed, relaxing "girl" time with Andie. We had it all planned out. Dinner, chick flicks, girl talk, popcorn, trash mags, you name it, we had it. On the way to Conroe, I decided to stop at the Barnes and Noble at the Woodlands Mall. Wow. that was a mistake. The traffic around there is horrible!! I finally decided against it and after getting lost trying to get out of there, headed on out to Andie's. As I get to her house, I am welcomed by a wonderful smell. She was making spagetti. Nothing like an italian dish from an italian woman! I had stopped off and picked up the garlic bread, so all was complete. I ate so much of that spegettii that I finally made myself ill. I loved it. I wish there had been some left so that I could have brought some home! We settled in us girls, Me, Andie, and her daughter, Emma and just chatted non-stop. Little Chase would put his two cents in every now and then as well, but I hink he got the sense he was out numbered by the all the girls. The hotest topic was the whole Anna Nicole saga. Its sad really if you think about it all. Even in death she is hounded by everyone, including those that are supposed to "love" her and those that just want there few minutes of fame. Two movies later, and lots of chatting it was time for bed. We were exhausted. Emma decided she wanted to sleep with mommy, so I slept in Emma's room. I felt like a fairy princess. Her walls were painted, by hand, by Andie's mom, to look like you are looking out of a castle. the first thing you see when you wake up is the castle gate looking out onto the village beyond. Just for a brief moment you are transformed to a different place, a different time. Finally everyone begins to stir this morning and Andie is up making breakfast. So after a good breakfast, I'm on my way back home. Andie is taking Emma to Hannah Montanna today so they needed to get going also. Emma was so excited about it. I know they are going to have a great time. Although, I have to say, I don't envy them with all the crowds!!

On my way home, I stop at the Barnes and Nobles here by me and just had a field day. There are soo many audiobooks thats its really hard to choose just one! and of course, I have found out that my new additction is not going to be cheap one. I did get a good idea from Andie though about going to one of those used book stores to get some. Surely people will be giving them away after they listen to them. I know I probably will. Luckily I have a really good one by me so that will be my next shopping adventure!

Now its time to sit back and relax at home and do those darn house chores that I've been waiting on the house fairies to come do and they never seem to show up. So I guess that means I have to. Whats that they say........a woman's work is never done!!!! :-)

Smiles.....